Please stop being in love with me.

Look, Amanda Mull, I really need to ask you to stop loving me. I know that I am super lovable. Everybody wants to be with a size-twelve-on-a-good-day, semi-employed lady with questionable hygiene, but this has got to stop.

I got your love letter, and I'm a wee bit embarrassed at the gushing.

Listen, I am married. Let's just be the kind of lovers in The Bridges of Madison County or The English Patient or that movie with Julia Roberts. You know, the one where they make pizza and the chubby one does it with Ed Begley, Jr. Our love will be the sweeter for never having been consummated.

Always,
Wendy


How can I blame you for wanting this?

Ninja loves me, will kill me soon.

From the TOW Books site:

February 6, 2008

For immediate release: Ninja loves Wendy Molyneux, will kill her soon.

The Ninja from Ask A Ninja got his deadly hands on a copy of Wendy Molyneux's book, Everything Is Wrong With You, and here's what he had to say:


"This book made me laugh out loud while I was on a mission. I am going to kill Wendy Molyneux. I look forward to killing the author of this book with this book. I love irony in literature. And, if you would like to point out that that is not ironic, I would be glad to kill you too. This book gets my highest rating. Five ninja stars through the head of the author."