The Sentimentalist

My friends and I made a video. Perhaps you would watch it?

Here it is: The Sentimentalist on Funny or Die.

Alison Rosen Interviews Me For Some Reason

My pal Alison Rosen has interviewed me for her high-tech web show, The Daily Alison. Warning: it contains scandalous revelations about my inability to smoke out of a bong correctly.

Also, I say that when I get married, I want it to be just like that interview. Then I say "I'm already married" but Alison talks at the same time so you can't hear me say it.

So, Jeff, if you watch this, we are in fact married. That ceremony in Vegas wasn't just a dream/nightmare. 

Anyway, watch here:  The Daily Alison

Oh, good god.

Is there a hole in your soul?

Things Other Than “Your Laws” I’d Like You To Keep Off My Body

This anvil

Those hungry chickens

That Honeybaked ham

New Blog

In an effort to blog more frequently, I also now have a tumblr.

Link:

HERE.

I Have A Dream

I had a dream last night that there was a blog devoted to making fun of my blog. I love that my unconscious brain thinks enough people read my blog to start a blog to make fun of it.

Meaning of this dream:

I AM CONCEITED.

Uh Oh

Quizno's just made a big move in the ongoing Toasted-Not Toasted sandwich war.

It's all fun and games until Tupac and Biggie are dead, people.

No. Just no.

You know what "works with harems?" Suicide.

Also, the phrase "shop all harems" makes me think that I might be able to find a new child bride. I am SO tired of my old child bride. BORING.

But really, this is the endtimes, right? It's plague, pestilence, war and harem pants, right? Those are the four horsemen? Mother? Father? Please hold me. So cold.

Stolen post.

So, I'm stealing this outright from my friend Arija. It's a fun game.

You put these three elements together to make a new Emo band's first album.

To Do This (from a Facebook game)
1 - Go to “wikipedia.” Hit “random”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to “Random quotations”
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together (I used picnik.com)

Here's mine:



I like how the album title seems accusatory, like both the duck and his reflection might be wrong.

And here's another one. I am now addicted to this.





Here is Arija's.


That's all! Post links to yours if you make one.

My Failed Top Chef Dishes

Corn on the Cop

Hot Balls

Lube Burgers on Plates

Compromised Fish

Cup of Soda, Finished with Creme Fraiche and Remoulade, Served in a Trash Can by Someone You Hated in High School

Whole Onion, Lightly Baked, then Thrown Away

Your Mama

Nachos Bell Grande en Croute

Forks

Your Own Leg, Gently Removed and then Re-Presented to You, Pommes Frites

Bad Stripper Names

Sad Potato Jones

Mrs. Allen Haverstein

Margarine

Sean "Puffy" Combs

Spooky Vagina

Justice William Rehnquist

Phantom of the Opera

Pam

End Of The Year Lists

Top Four Things To Wear In 2009

Pants
A Bra
Some Sort Of Shirt
Shoes

New Today

My friend Mike and I have a new thing on McSweeney's today.

Link: HERE

Also new thing here (scroll down):

Hipster Book Club

I'm Going To Be A Great Mother Someday

In order to be a good parent, you need to be firm but consistent. And I think this interaction I had with my cats today shows that I've got the stuff.

A CHRISTMAS PAGEANT:

Petunia pounces on Christmas tree, knocks off ornament, starts to play with ornament.

ME: Hey! Hey! You are cruising for a bruising. And by bruising, I mean light verbal reprimand.

I retrieve ornament, go back to eating lunch.

Petunia knocks another ornament off the tree.

I sigh,  continue eating lunch.

Sleep with one horn open.

Oh no. 

Somebody found my site using this search:

Referring URL http://www.google.co...ogle Search&aq=f&oq=
Search Engine:  google.com
Search Words:  unicorns stab

If you see sparkly, childrens'-wish-filled, hot-pink blood running in the streets, alert the authorities immediately.