I have great news for Beyonce.

Okay, so I haven't been blogging lately for a couple of reasons. One is that I have a bunch of actual writing projects that people expect me to finish, you know, because they paid me and stuff. So, there's that.

But mainly, like the rest of the nation, I've been spending all my time listening to and thinking about Beyonce's insanely catchy new song Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It).

And having now listened to it three or four (thousand) times, I am excited to say that I can help Beyonce out with her quest to find the perfect guy as described in the lyrics:

Don’t treat me like things of this world
I’m not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve
He’s a man that makes me and takes me
And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond

Um, look no further Beyonce, for I have found him:

Prop 8

Seriously?

Honestly, and I hope this won't come across as too harsh, but people who voted yes on Prop 8 should go fuck themselves forever.

And then they should all hold hands and walk into the ocean.

And the ocean should be made out of fire, mosquitoes and more fire.

Or, you know, whatever.

We're Going To Get The Government We Deserve

So, I just turned on the tube to start watching election coverage, and here's what I've seen so far. I'm not kidding.

• A newscaster interviewing the Naked Cowboy about who he voted for (McCain Palin)
• Clips from election skits on SNL
• Ice skaters skating on an electoral map.

If this continues all day, here's what else we'll see:

• Genetically altered red white and blue kittens rolling around on an American flag quilt made by the cast of CSI Miami
• David Duchovny rating the hotness of each candidate (special graphic created by MSNBC news team)
• Who Are Babies Voting For? A Fox news special.
• Al Roker cooks an election feast with a dancing bear
• Alyssa Milano performs selected scenes from the movies Primary Colors and All The President's Men at Corcoran Prison
• Los Angeles woman dies of eye-poisoning after watching 12 hours of election coverage, Boyz II Men to dedicate album of patriotic songs to her memory to be released when polls close.