Please stop being in love with me.

Look, Amanda Mull, I really need to ask you to stop loving me. I know that I am super lovable. Everybody wants to be with a size-twelve-on-a-good-day, semi-employed lady with questionable hygiene, but this has got to stop.

I got your love letter, and I'm a wee bit embarrassed at the gushing.

Listen, I am married. Let's just be the kind of lovers in The Bridges of Madison County or The English Patient or that movie with Julia Roberts. You know, the one where they make pizza and the chubby one does it with Ed Begley, Jr. Our love will be the sweeter for never having been consummated.

Always,
Wendy


How can I blame you for wanting this?