Timeliness

Astute commenter and sometime superhero Stella Kevlar was good enough to point out the irony (irony?) in my noting the timeliness of writing an E.T.-based piece of comedy (comedy?). Well, my current assignment at work involves watching dozens of Universal movies to put together a -- no joke-- comedy tape featuring a bunch of actual Governors (you know, from the Government), green-screened into various films.

Anyway, one of the movies I watched yesterday was E.T., which I hadn't seen since it was actually in the theaters. Here are some things I discovered:

1. The kids in that movie were actually genuinely talented actors. AT THE TIME. What happened afterwards, well...not my call here.

2. The movie is not about a cute alien like I remembered. It's about a bunch of kids who've been abandoned by their father, and E.T. symbolizes the way you can only repair abandonment by learning to care about someone else. When Eliot asks E.T. to stay at the end, and E.T. asks him to come with him, we actually see Eliot grow up when he realizes that not all partings have to be negative and that loss is a part of life and that he can choose what kind of man to be.

3. The kids' father is never going to come back and take them to baseball games.

4. Everybody is going to basically be okay.

5. Don't get caught crying at your desk at work because you are watching E.T.

On the docket today:

Jaws
Erin Brokovich (see number 5)
Babe (oh boy)
and Kindergarten Cop (kill me)

I also watched The Birds yesterday, which is to me fantastic. People complain that it adds up to nothing. Those people aren't paying attention to the underlying themes of female panic about the gathering threat of loneliness. Both Annie and the mother are terrified of desertion, and as their terror grows, the attacks multiply. When the (single) mother of the young girl in the cafe tells Marlene Daniels that her evil (sexuality) has brought the birds to Bodega Bay, it's genius.

E.T. drunk dials home.

E.T.: Hey, it's me, E.T.

EX-GIRLFRIEND: Who?

E.T.: E.T. Your boyfriend.

EX-GIRLFRIEND: (silence)

E.T.: What are you doing?

EX-GIRLFRIEND: I was sleeping.

E.T.: Is somebody there?

EX-GIRLFRIEND: No. And so what if there was?

E.T.: Is there?

EX-GIRLFRIEND: What do you want?

E.T.: E.T. come over? E.T. have make-up sex? E.T. sorry he threw beer bottle thru girlfriend's car window when girlfriend won't change radio station.

EX-GIRLFRIEND: I hate it when you talk like that. It's not cute.

E.T.: Sorry.

EX-GIRLFRIEND: I'm going back to bed.

E.T.: Why? Is somebody there.

EX-GIRLFRIEND: (Hangs up.)