Sex And The City Spoilers

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS!!!!!

I just found out some spoilers for Sex And The City. Do not read on unless you really want to know.

1. Carrie adopts an orphan from China who turns out to be the monster from Cloverfield and they fall in love but then Big shows up and also falls in love with the Cloverfield monster and then everybody dies.

2. Samantha turns out to be a dude. Everybody dies.

3. Miranda plots to assassinate the President, but then it turns out that the President is also plotting to assassinate Miranda. Oh my god! Everyone dies.

4. Charlotte dies, then comes back from the dead and kills everyone.

5. Mr. Big has three balls.

Christmas Carols For Creeps

All I Want For Christmas Is Your Two Front Teeth

The Last Noel, Because I Have Brought About The Apocalypse

Away In A Stranger

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer Wants To Sell You Some Crystal Meth

Here Comes Santa Claus

Jingle Balls

Carol Of the Penis

Oh Come Let Us Adore Me

The Hallelujah Chorus, But, You Know, With Balls

History Girls

So, I finally saw that British play "History Boys" last night here in LA. If you haven't seen it, there's an older teacher in it who takes the boys around on his motor bike and grabs their balls while they are riding, and everybody in the play thinks it's hilarious. At the end of the play, the old teacher dies in a tragic motorbike accident, and everybody's really sad.

My big thought coming out of it was that if the play was called "History Girls" and the old male teacher had been touching teenage girls' vaginas, he would have died when some girl's father came to the school and shot him with a gun. And the lesson would have been, "Don't touch teenagers in the vagina."

Instead, the lesson was about the subjectivity of history, and that touching teenagers' balls is ok if you look like Santa.