New Apple Products

1. iWife 08

With a lighter, slimmer design and available in a variety of colors, the iWife loves you for who you are.

2. The iBaby

More compact than a human baby, this sleek infant comes preprogrammed with up to four thousand words.

3. The iPod Nanny

A perfect companion to your iBaby, the Nanny can supervise your iBaby while you get on with your busy life.

4. Apple Office Assistant

This perky number stores all of your critical information. If you find yourself spending more and more time with your Assistant, don’t blame us! The heart wants what it wants.

5. PowerLawyer

The PowerLawyer software helps you negotiate a settlement with your iWife after she catches you in a compromising position with your Office Assistant.

6. PowerSpiral

After your Assistant leaves you because you are “old enough to be her dad,” the PowerSpiral program can help you choose your addiction and makes sure you run out of money and dignity in a timely fashion.

7. MemoryShuffle

Storing up to six hundred hours of memories, the MemoryShuffle provides access to lifelike recollections of times you spent with your family and friends before they started thinking you were “kind of a dick.”