A studio chief gives notes on the Christmas story.

Hello. Am I on speaker? Take me off speaker. I hate fucking speaker phones. Okay, I read your script for the Christmas story. I loved it. If it was a girl or a donut, I would totally want to have sex with it. That's how much I liked it. We here at the studio just have a few thoughts.

Okay, we really like the opening scene with the Angel. We think the angel is quirky, he’s fun, maybe he’s Steve Buscemi. I like that guy. If he was ten percent more beatiful, I would make love to him and then never speak of it again.

Okay, so this Angel, right now you have him appearing to Mary at night in her room. Let’s do this. Mary goes out to a nightclub. Angel is a drug dealer. He gets her really high and then tells her about the baby she’s going to have. She doesn’t believe him because she’s high. And also because it’s the future, and there are lots of robots, and the robots are always lying to humans to confuse them.

Oh, I thought you knew we were setting this in the future. Yeah, that was Jeffrey’s note. But not Blade Runner future, I Robot future. Okay?

I like peppermints and handjobs. What was I saying?

Okay, right, we like Joseph, but we think, okay, we need to attract a big name to play this guy, and this guy, he stays with his wife? After she gets pregnant from somebody else? Nobody wants to play it that way. Especially Brad Pitt. I’m not saying he’s on board, but he’s not not on board. If he can get out of doing the Paul Thomas Anderson’s There Will be Presents he wants to do this. He wants his kids to be able to see the movie he does, you know?

One time, in Cannes, I punched Juliette Binoche in the face on a private plane.

Okay, so instead of staying with the wife, the husband, Joseph, goes on this like, vision quest. In Paris. And a CIA guy finds him there in a café, and he wants to recruit him, because it turns out that this guy, Angel – yeah Steve Buscemi – Angel has been running drugs out of Europe. And the CIA guy is like this guy Angel was with your wife, you want to get him right? And Joseph is like, fuck yes. So then the CIA guy gives Joseph his partner, which is a robot. But Joseph doesn’t know – is this a robot he can trust?

Okay, meanwhile, in your outline, you have King Herrod wanting to get rid of Mary’s baby and sending these three kids. What? Oh, kings, yeah, three kings to get the baby.

I love it. But. Let’s say Herrod is the French kingpin, and he thinks – see, he thinks – that Mary is carrying Angel’s baby, and he wants to kidnap Mary so he can blackmail Angel to do a job for him.

Meanwhile, the robot is training Joseph to fight, they’re going to do Krav Maga Israeli street fighting.

So, Herrod sends these three assassins who are known as the Three Kings to kidnap Mary.

Meanwhile, Mary, she’s heartbroken, she knows she didn’t do anything wrong, so she comes to Europe to find Joseph. She hears that he’s been seen at a club called Bethlehem in Berlin. She goes to Berlin. She gets hired as a dancer at the club, but she knows that soon they are going to figure out she’s pregnant. And then one night this real high roller comes in – and it turns out to be this big-time guy, Herrod.

Well, Herrod falls in love with Mary and flies her on his private jet with him to the Greek Islands to meet with Angel. So she goes. Meanwhile, Brad Pitt and the Robot are headed there on jet-skis. So, everybody’s converging on this house, right?

And then there’s this big shoot-em up gunfight, like at the end of Scarface. And Joseph shoots Herrod, then he shoots Angel. And as Angel is dying he confesses that he ruffied Mary that night and got her pregnant, and that it’s his baby, and he wants her to name him after his brother, Jesus.

So now, Joseph knows that Mary isn’t a slut, and so he stays with her and raises Jesus as his own, because that’s what Brad Pitt would do.

Also, the robot sidekick? He can shoot lasers out of his head.