Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Karl Rove Does Some Push-Polling At His New Job

INT. HOME DEPOT CHECK-OUT-- DAY

KARL: So, you're gonna buy this grill, huh?

CUSTOMER: Yep.

KARL: Would you want to buy this one if you knew you could get it cheaper somewhere else?

CUSTOMER: Well, I priced this grill all over town and I'm sure this is the cheapest I'm gonna get it.

KARL: Would you still want to buy this grill if you knew that this grill had a safety flaw that had resulted in several people being burned?

CUSTOMER: Does it have that flaw?

KARL: Would you buy it if it did?

CUTOMER: No, but--

KARL: What if it didn't just burn people, what if it decapitated them?

CUSTOMER: Oh my God, how?

KARL: Would you buy it then?

CUSTOMER: Did they put their heads in the grill?

KARL: What if this grill fathered an illegitimate black baby?

CUSTOMER: What?

KARL: And it's gay. This is a gay grill.

CUSTOMER: Could I talk to your manager?

KARL: A gay, muslim, serial rapist grill. What, do you want to get raped? Huh, is that what you want?

CUSTOMER. Look, I am buying this grill. Just ring me up for it, and the charcoal, and let me go.

KARL: Fine.

CUSTOMER: Fine.

KARL: You know, this charcoal may or may not have been romantically involved with Mohammed Atta.

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