While at friend's house, enjoyed a cup of General Foods International Coffee
Got French manicure for Senior Prom
Huge fan of Eva Longoria
Almost drove into Canada once while lost
Watched Fawlty Towers on PBS -- didn't "get it"
Stretched round globe-thingy into proper flat shape, accidentally caught a glimpse of Africa
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I'm About To Go Global, My Bitches
Um, as you may remember I revealed here a few weeks ago that I am probably the mother of Baby Trig.
So guess what location shows up in my sitemeter today:
I am probably gonna go missing any second now once Sarah Palin's security team tracks me down.
It's been fun!
Please make jokes about vaginas in my memory.
So guess what location shows up in my sitemeter today:
| Domain Name | mtaonline.net ? (Network) | ||||||||||||||||
| IP Address | REDACTED | ||||||||||||||||
| ISP | MTA Solutions | ||||||||||||||||
| Location |
|
I am probably gonna go missing any second now once Sarah Palin's security team tracks me down.
It's been fun!
Please make jokes about vaginas in my memory.
Hi.
I don't know what's sadder: how long I've neglected my blog (no one is sad about this) or the fact that I'm coming back now just to tell you that my local news is actually doing a story about whether teens are wearing their jeans too low.
Forget about the election and the mortgage bailout people, black teenagers are wearing their pants too low.
Oh don't worry; now they are doing a story on how the Rialto football team's field is infested with ants.
They just literally said: "They're tackling the problem head on."
I'm moving to space.
Forget about the election and the mortgage bailout people, black teenagers are wearing their pants too low.
Oh don't worry; now they are doing a story on how the Rialto football team's field is infested with ants.
They just literally said: "They're tackling the problem head on."
I'm moving to space.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Breaking News
Listen you guys, I don't want to feed into this whole Sarah Palin rumor mill, but I have just had a rather queasy realization.
In the past year, I have frequently shunned social engagements, claiming I was burnt out from work, stressed or just uninterested.
I turned down a job even though I was unemployed at the time, claiming the job sounded "like a nightmare."
I have started wearing looser clothing, claiming that "I feel too old to wear anything short and/or tight."
There are times in the last eighteen months, usually after going out with friends, when I can't account for my actions or whereabouts.
And finally, most tellingly, while Sarah Palin remains slim, I am a big ol' chubby chub-monster.
I am sure you can see where I am going with this. Clearly...
I AM THE MOTHER OF BABY TRIG.
PICTURED: MY BABY
In the past year, I have frequently shunned social engagements, claiming I was burnt out from work, stressed or just uninterested.
I turned down a job even though I was unemployed at the time, claiming the job sounded "like a nightmare."
I have started wearing looser clothing, claiming that "I feel too old to wear anything short and/or tight."
There are times in the last eighteen months, usually after going out with friends, when I can't account for my actions or whereabouts.
And finally, most tellingly, while Sarah Palin remains slim, I am a big ol' chubby chub-monster.
I am sure you can see where I am going with this. Clearly...
I AM THE MOTHER OF BABY TRIG.
PICTURED: MY BABY
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Off To The Races
Well, this post will just be some random thoughts on things because I spent yesterday with children and so I am tired. If you have kids you probably know this. I just rent some kids now and then, and they tucker you out. They like to run around and also if you take your eye off of them for one second, they will somehow find, like, a chainsaw or something and do something horribly dangerous.
I will say that my six year-old nephew has developed a surprisingly sophisticated sense of humor in the last few weeks. We were getting ready to put stuff on the barbecue for dinner and I asked him if he would mind getting into a big tupperware full of oil and spices so we could marinate him before we cooked him. He paused for a beat, and then said, completely deadpan, almost world-weary:
"Of course I will."
Then after we put the kids to bed, the adults played a maddeningly addictive board game called Carcassone. Have you played it? It's nerd-crack. Stay away.
Later this week we are headed out to Kansas City, then on to New York. Don't try to rob me. A serial killer is house-sitting for us.
I might even try to write some travelogue-y type stuff while we are on the road, or it might just be penis jokes again. Who knows! Let's spin the wheel!
One thing I know right now is that I am not too excited about flying on a plane. To me, planes are like the 1800s. I like to read about them and hear about them and watch movies about when there are snakes on them (I loved that movie Snakes on the 1800s), but I don't really want to actually take part in the flying of them. Worst metaphor ever.
See, this is why I just make penis jokes. Like why did the penis cross the road? Get it?
Anyway, I promised rambling, and I delivered. Now I have to go be in the 1800s.
I will say that my six year-old nephew has developed a surprisingly sophisticated sense of humor in the last few weeks. We were getting ready to put stuff on the barbecue for dinner and I asked him if he would mind getting into a big tupperware full of oil and spices so we could marinate him before we cooked him. He paused for a beat, and then said, completely deadpan, almost world-weary:
"Of course I will."
Then after we put the kids to bed, the adults played a maddeningly addictive board game called Carcassone. Have you played it? It's nerd-crack. Stay away.
Later this week we are headed out to Kansas City, then on to New York. Don't try to rob me. A serial killer is house-sitting for us.
I might even try to write some travelogue-y type stuff while we are on the road, or it might just be penis jokes again. Who knows! Let's spin the wheel!
One thing I know right now is that I am not too excited about flying on a plane. To me, planes are like the 1800s. I like to read about them and hear about them and watch movies about when there are snakes on them (I loved that movie Snakes on the 1800s), but I don't really want to actually take part in the flying of them. Worst metaphor ever.
See, this is why I just make penis jokes. Like why did the penis cross the road? Get it?
Anyway, I promised rambling, and I delivered. Now I have to go be in the 1800s.
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